Tuesday
Today was a lot of things I didn't want it to be. Pretty much led a continuous strain of thinking. I dont even know why.
I woke up about eleven am feeling like a failure. I showered and cracked down I even got some work done. I still have to take two exams. I said something I shouldn't have to someone important and close to me and I think thats how this feeling started. I wasn't irritable yet but the thoughts were creeping in, that I hate my self that I'd rather not exist today, I dont! I love me! I'm not like that! I also need you, badly...This awful rythm keeps creeping around in my head and I dont like it, its disturbing...
Scott what do I do? With this feeling like I cant improve, I'm not getting anywhere, this feeling doesn't even compare, help me find my way back to you, stuff like that. Its off, sweet but off.
Anyhow, I spent much time writing it all down, then Buddy called to remind mom that she said she'd make a carrot cake for Andy (his wife) yea I completely spaced there.
I talked to Steve a bit, apparently he's sick I said I'd rather hang out with him than no-one I doubt we will though.
I wish these feelings would just leave me alone. As my day progressed they got worst. The hardest part is I know half of what I'm doing wrong. Why? I felt like no-one had time for me or listened to me.
My latest discovery about my self (and watch me because I am a hypocrite, sometimes I know things about myself and other times I forget, I also dont remember... but you already knew that.) I live on attention, I dont really like being the center of attention but if I'm not receiving it I wilt. I'm like a flower, I need the sunlight, I'm lonely and useless without it... Now maybe I'm getting a bit too extreme here but that's my current take on life...
I struggle without physical and emotional connection with at least someone!
I'm thankful though that today didn't leak into the other days too much. God is just that good to me. I spent time with Kylie instead of moping all night. She introduced me to Leverage which is pretty much the American version of Hustle, I really liked it, and everyone admitted they had a star-crush on the muscle man.
Today was a lot of things I didn't want it to be. Pretty much led a continuous strain of thinking. I dont even know why.
I woke up about eleven am feeling like a failure. I showered and cracked down I even got some work done. I still have to take two exams. I said something I shouldn't have to someone important and close to me and I think thats how this feeling started. I wasn't irritable yet but the thoughts were creeping in, that I hate my self that I'd rather not exist today, I dont! I love me! I'm not like that! I also need you, badly...This awful rythm keeps creeping around in my head and I dont like it, its disturbing...
Scott what do I do? With this feeling like I cant improve, I'm not getting anywhere, this feeling doesn't even compare, help me find my way back to you, stuff like that. Its off, sweet but off.
Anyhow, I spent much time writing it all down, then Buddy called to remind mom that she said she'd make a carrot cake for Andy (his wife) yea I completely spaced there.
I talked to Steve a bit, apparently he's sick I said I'd rather hang out with him than no-one I doubt we will though.
I wish these feelings would just leave me alone. As my day progressed they got worst. The hardest part is I know half of what I'm doing wrong. Why? I felt like no-one had time for me or listened to me.
My latest discovery about my self (and watch me because I am a hypocrite, sometimes I know things about myself and other times I forget, I also dont remember... but you already knew that.) I live on attention, I dont really like being the center of attention but if I'm not receiving it I wilt. I'm like a flower, I need the sunlight, I'm lonely and useless without it... Now maybe I'm getting a bit too extreme here but that's my current take on life...
I struggle without physical and emotional connection with at least someone!
I'm thankful though that today didn't leak into the other days too much. God is just that good to me. I spent time with Kylie instead of moping all night. She introduced me to Leverage which is pretty much the American version of Hustle, I really liked it, and everyone admitted they had a star-crush on the muscle man.
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