Wednesday
This morning mom nailed down her Bible thing. She is determined to make this last as long as she can. And I'm happy for her because her , pushing for it, is driving everyone so crazy that they've been agreeing. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up around noon. I'm starting to feel bad because I'm like two weeks behind schedule at least, what am I gonna do when I get to Guyana and I've got all this stuff to share and I cant yet because I'm behind!
Today I was invited to play video games with Kylie and Jesse's family. I agreed. So I helped mom get the chillins and I even finished both exams with an 85% or better : ).
I finally arrived about four om with Guitar Hero, Time Splitters and Soul Calibur 2. With BLT's for dinner it was so fun, we played Soul Calibur and Kylie whooped all of us, but then Josh pwned her once he figured it out. As it got later, everyone else went to play Zombies so it was up to me and Kylie to play Time splitters, for the life of us we couldn't beat it on normal! Plus the Chinese level kept freezing up the system so we were stuck with one two and three of the Cyber level and Egypt level. Not even Jesse and me could beat it!
When we put the games up to watch tv, I was a little bored in my head so I just sort of started thanking God, I didn't realize I was whispering too, apparently Jesse heard me and he said he was thankful to know a girl who was devoted enough to do that. He told me that I inspired him to strive harder for God. Well... I didn't even know I was doing it, so I decided to strive harder myself!
Honestly at that point. I was Exhausted, emotionally that is. So I cried. It was four am and I just started sobbing and he hugged me. I havn't had a hug like that since the night I got lost in the mall and you had to come find me because I was scared, and tired.
Scott I've been so scared lately, with all these feelings terrorizing me day and night. Me trying to stuff them own that I just kind of cried it all out. For about ten minutes (probably less than that but thats what it felt like) No one cares for me like that anymore. I'm 20, its just expected for me to take care of my self. Is it so wrong for me to require a certain level of emotional security? Whats wrong with the world that people can't just cry on each others shoulders anymore without offending someone.
I don't know what else to say.
I felt much better after soaking Jesse's hoody with snot and tears (kidding) my head was clear, apparently my mind was cloudy with a severe thunderstorm warning. He apologized in case he made me uncomfortable, and I cried out to God all the way home, little piggy style.
Its just that no body give hugs like that any more... the life saving kind. You know what I mean.
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