Sunday
August is the month of overflow, at least that's what everyone's been telling me (saying).
Today a lot happened, and when I say a lot... well you'll see.
My morning was uneventful, I was woke up by second sister and then I hung around for a while with the family. I read some of Bishop Henry Browne's "Your New Status" and peeked over first sister's shoulder at her internets.
August is the month of overflow, at least that's what everyone's been telling me (saying).
Today a lot happened, and when I say a lot... well you'll see.
My morning was uneventful, I was woke up by second sister and then I hung around for a while with the family. I read some of Bishop Henry Browne's "Your New Status" and peeked over first sister's shoulder at her internets.
Let me just say this. Giving stuff away. Is hard.
But my father is endlessly wise. To receive more we must make space. and my heart aches for the memory-infused stuff that I'm throwing/giving away.
My soul tears up and say's
"Ohhh but you can sell that, ohhh but you can give that to so and so..." and I must say:
"Be still my soul it belongs to Rumpkey (our garbage company) If I get rid of these things then they will return ten-fold, so I give away my clothes so they may return to me better. Last night dad and I talked about the college the girl that went to Russia attended. It is in Colorado, when I thought about going their my heart instantly broke. How would I see my boyfriend! (after the 7months) how would I see my family, who would hug me and tell me I'm a blessing (besides random strangers...believe it or not that happens)...
I want my place to be here with my family. Then we found out that you can take classes online and I was much relieved.
It will be painfull for me to spend all my "hard" earned money on that school. I wont lie and say It will go with out a wince or two, but the return will be greater than ten-fold so I am not afraid. Well I am, but not in a bad way. So that will begin this season, this will also be a season of health and restoration for me as I put down High-fructos-corn-syrup.
So this afternoon was spent disposing of things I dont need. And after tonight I can give more freely. (I cant wait till my job ends, I'd be so glad to give that up anyday) so I drove mom to St. Vincent thrift shop to drop off atleast 7 bags of junk and clothes. Boy am I going to miss that classic Atari. we had atleast 20 games too! I so regret that because I could have sold it at the store in the mall... but moving on. I'll probably never see it again, it was a symbol though. I've begun dwelling on my first book which I will write after I graduate, after I took mom to the thruft store we went to Michaels crafts where I got some notebook-journal things and she got her student list.
This journey is just beginning, after our time of giving we rested, I showered and we ate and thought about baby names for mom. Oh boy I've got to tell you about our old roleplay names! Its so exciting some ofthe meanings were really... meaningfull lol especially Brian and Theo!
Then we went on a hike at the nature preserve, it was nice spending time with my family like that, and we must have seen like 20 turtles... I love turtles. When we returned it was more resting then off to Sunday night church. Before that one of your friends had been on my mind, all night and all day I couldn't stop thinking about him. I simply feared for his life and that he might die! Bless the Lord it was not so, I called him just after the hike, and of course I apologized for judging his ministry and faith like I promised I would when we spoke on the phone just a few nights ago. So then came the question...
"This is going to sound... super weird okay..."
"Uh... okay... shoot I guess"
"Have you had any out-of-the-ordinary abdominal pains, like in the appendix area..."
"No... not that I know of?"
Before all this during Henry's visit to our house he'd laid hands on me and asked me if I'd had abdominal pain (and back pain and other stuff thats less important) I nodded and through choking on my tears I squeaked out a yes. He was taken aback and exclaimed that those pains would have killed me, there fore I feared the same for your friend. Bless God he said he was fine, now if he wasn't I only pray he calls me back and tells me so! I might call him again next week, or maybe his lady friend... I need more lady friends.
So then I tried to explain better what exactly was going on, he seemed to understand a little but I understand if he still doesn't, because honestly I dont quite get all of it either, but that beside the point. I got choked up at the end... I kind of hope he heard me because I need you to know that I'm not just muscling though this... I'm suffering... The best explanation I'll be able to give him in the future is that
'my father is not the one that's dated you for 3 years, he doesn't know you that well, not to mention I know couples even married couples that have been together longer and desperately need what we've so graciously been given!: So I guess what I'm trying to say is that this isn't a so much a bad thing. Your friend told me you were depressed, I dont receive that... I understand if you were taking it hard, I wish I could just give you the cure but I cant tell you yet. I pray you figure it out on your own, that it saves you miles of suffering... I love you so~
Dont be heart broken because you must get past that, I was so at first (still am) but I can live free with you sitting in my heart and still be able to focus my mind on other things, not just what your doing every second of the day.
_____
And the grand finally to my day was church.
It was Incredible! The worship was so moving!
it just rocked everyone in the room and just... it was amazing. Now the church 'elders' had been praying on the direction in which to take the church, "God where are you taking this?" so when they prayed they were totally in-sync with God and the whole room was just electric, deep, so deep that everyone cried a little.
There were new comers as well, totally welcomed!!!
So when I spoke earlier about it being easier to give away, one of the ministers had come to present how his amazing Nepal mission trip went, it was a real amazing thing. About (especially) how people there, follow this simple pattern of life
Eat : sleep : work : God (gods)
"Be still my soul it belongs to Rumpkey (our garbage company) If I get rid of these things then they will return ten-fold, so I give away my clothes so they may return to me better. Last night dad and I talked about the college the girl that went to Russia attended. It is in Colorado, when I thought about going their my heart instantly broke. How would I see my boyfriend! (after the 7months) how would I see my family, who would hug me and tell me I'm a blessing (besides random strangers...believe it or not that happens)...
I want my place to be here with my family. Then we found out that you can take classes online and I was much relieved.
It will be painfull for me to spend all my "hard" earned money on that school. I wont lie and say It will go with out a wince or two, but the return will be greater than ten-fold so I am not afraid. Well I am, but not in a bad way. So that will begin this season, this will also be a season of health and restoration for me as I put down High-fructos-corn-syrup.
So this afternoon was spent disposing of things I dont need. And after tonight I can give more freely. (I cant wait till my job ends, I'd be so glad to give that up anyday) so I drove mom to St. Vincent thrift shop to drop off atleast 7 bags of junk and clothes. Boy am I going to miss that classic Atari. we had atleast 20 games too! I so regret that because I could have sold it at the store in the mall... but moving on. I'll probably never see it again, it was a symbol though. I've begun dwelling on my first book which I will write after I graduate, after I took mom to the thruft store we went to Michaels crafts where I got some notebook-journal things and she got her student list.
This journey is just beginning, after our time of giving we rested, I showered and we ate and thought about baby names for mom. Oh boy I've got to tell you about our old roleplay names! Its so exciting some ofthe meanings were really... meaningfull lol especially Brian and Theo!
Then we went on a hike at the nature preserve, it was nice spending time with my family like that, and we must have seen like 20 turtles... I love turtles. When we returned it was more resting then off to Sunday night church. Before that one of your friends had been on my mind, all night and all day I couldn't stop thinking about him. I simply feared for his life and that he might die! Bless the Lord it was not so, I called him just after the hike, and of course I apologized for judging his ministry and faith like I promised I would when we spoke on the phone just a few nights ago. So then came the question...
"This is going to sound... super weird okay..."
"Uh... okay... shoot I guess"
"Have you had any out-of-the-ordinary abdominal pains, like in the appendix area..."
"No... not that I know of?"
Before all this during Henry's visit to our house he'd laid hands on me and asked me if I'd had abdominal pain (and back pain and other stuff thats less important) I nodded and through choking on my tears I squeaked out a yes. He was taken aback and exclaimed that those pains would have killed me, there fore I feared the same for your friend. Bless God he said he was fine, now if he wasn't I only pray he calls me back and tells me so! I might call him again next week, or maybe his lady friend... I need more lady friends.
So then I tried to explain better what exactly was going on, he seemed to understand a little but I understand if he still doesn't, because honestly I dont quite get all of it either, but that beside the point. I got choked up at the end... I kind of hope he heard me because I need you to know that I'm not just muscling though this... I'm suffering... The best explanation I'll be able to give him in the future is that
'my father is not the one that's dated you for 3 years, he doesn't know you that well, not to mention I know couples even married couples that have been together longer and desperately need what we've so graciously been given!: So I guess what I'm trying to say is that this isn't a so much a bad thing. Your friend told me you were depressed, I dont receive that... I understand if you were taking it hard, I wish I could just give you the cure but I cant tell you yet. I pray you figure it out on your own, that it saves you miles of suffering... I love you so~
Dont be heart broken because you must get past that, I was so at first (still am) but I can live free with you sitting in my heart and still be able to focus my mind on other things, not just what your doing every second of the day.
_____
And the grand finally to my day was church.
It was Incredible! The worship was so moving!
it just rocked everyone in the room and just... it was amazing. Now the church 'elders' had been praying on the direction in which to take the church, "God where are you taking this?" so when they prayed they were totally in-sync with God and the whole room was just electric, deep, so deep that everyone cried a little.
There were new comers as well, totally welcomed!!!
So when I spoke earlier about it being easier to give away, one of the ministers had come to present how his amazing Nepal mission trip went, it was a real amazing thing. About (especially) how people there, follow this simple pattern of life
Eat : sleep : work : God (gods)
and how we, who aren't a third world country follow this simpler pattern of life:
Eat : sleep : work : entertainment : and maaayyybe a liiiitle 'god' on the side
It really spoke to my heart that I need to just get rid of the 'stuff' in my life holding me back (not you seriously). After (there was more prayer and worship) There was deep prayer and more worship and they prayed over the newcomers which was neat and people were rejoicing and praying all twenty of us. Then my first sister's friend needed some love so we prayed over her which was just lovely. After that we convened upstairs. I was given a beautiful hand-made Nepali bracelet from the missionary; and I spoke to the pastor about you. He said that your in a good place so far. I said that really if we're not together we will still have grown monumentally and through hearts will have been broken we will be still be in better places. I love you.
Eat : sleep : work : entertainment : and maaayyybe a liiiitle 'god' on the side
It really spoke to my heart that I need to just get rid of the 'stuff' in my life holding me back (not you seriously). After (there was more prayer and worship) There was deep prayer and more worship and they prayed over the newcomers which was neat and people were rejoicing and praying all twenty of us. Then my first sister's friend needed some love so we prayed over her which was just lovely. After that we convened upstairs. I was given a beautiful hand-made Nepali bracelet from the missionary; and I spoke to the pastor about you. He said that your in a good place so far. I said that really if we're not together we will still have grown monumentally and through hearts will have been broken we will be still be in better places. I love you.
Even when I'm pulling my hair out because of how bad I miss you.
You are my morning joy.
You are my morning joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment