Day 34/212 (8/30/10)

Monday- horay

        I was woken up at 7am today, and after yesterday that kind of irritated me. I was still pretty tired and while I didn't say anything I did lay on the couch. I felt today like I'd been run over by a dump truck, and then the truck dumped what it was carrying on me! Flat!
I miss my simply complicated life, I have so much to do and get done, and I want to do it now but some if it takes more time and I step over stuff and trip on it and it doesn't get done. Its not that I'm not still on fire for God, I just need to charge my battery every now and then. I get worn out easy, and asking for help isn't easy either, but I'm getting the hang of it. I can do this.

         So I rested in my parents bed until she got back from taking Selah to school. Then I had some breakfast and played some guitar, still cant find my capo :(. Then mom and I played icing, I'm getting better at making flowers. We had to stop because we ran out of icing, after that I started up the Fresh wine project again. I set up in the living room about noon, the whole day was a battle of getting it done. I spent from about 10:30am until 3:30pm and I cant believe it took me that long, that is ridiculous. So while I was working mom came in and we chatted about church and why everyone seemed like they were in such a funk the other night, and somehow that led to me telling her about Drew and what had really happened between us. And...

Her response was simply:
           "Do you really need to keep that old e-mail around?  If it really makes you feel that way why don't you just delete it?"

My response was of course more crying, and I even lost my voice for a moment, and in the end she was right. So I read it once over and deleted it. I'm done, if he doesn't want to be a part of my life fine. I've given him enough chances, even so I know I've said that I've let him go but I mean it, I'm clearly not as important to him as he was to me. So forget it, I'm done.
You know how I've always said I don't see him, I don't hang out with him? Well I dont, and I haven't , Its been months and it wasn't always me calling it was him; he wanted to hang out. Well fine. Its like what mom say's "You cant make people want to be your friends"

          So I'm free from that now, and after a few more tears I'll let it go.

Mom gave me a hug for all that, a really nice hug and then I got back to work. At 3:15 Sophie and I left for her flute lesson. After that was through we went on some errands, I had to get cash to buy a money order with and steering fluid. When dad got home I showed him what I had accomplished and he said he was proud of me. I want to finish this project before the art conference, its going to take alot of effort but I can do it! I can get this done, not just so you can be proud of me or my dad, but so that God can be proud of me.