Day 53/212 (9/18/10)

Saturday

Today was big :)

I got up around 10ish and mostly relaxed until 11am. At that point I started on my icing, it took me almost two hours to completely mix all the colors in, even then they still weren't quite right. Finally I just went with it and started decorating. At first I had no idea what to do, I sketched out a bunch of drawings I wanted to do a bear, because Ty liked bears, then I wanted to do Bearald or Richard, then I wanted to do a cute comic scene with a bear and the moon, or a bear flying to the moon, or a horse like in that t-shirt he gave you. Finally frustrated I decided I needed something to copy so I got to work searching for the Cave story endings. They wouldn't show up on Google except for one, the blue one; the one with Quote and Curly riding on the back of Balrog. It took me untill 2pm to finally finish the whole cake, I dont have pictures up yet sorry but I'm sure ty can show you.

After that, which felt like work I got ready to go and layed down for a nap. I wasn't expecting Ty untill 6pm  and sure enough he texted me to let me know he was leaving at 6.  I was just starting an episode of Doctor Who when he knocked on the door. We invited him in and I showed him the cake, I wish I had a picture of his face he was really excited. I even got an extra hug. Spencer just HAD to show him his loft bed. He he, I got to meet Emily, she seemed nice... and an ok... driver...

WE would've gotten there on time but as usual my directions aren't the best I knew most of where we were going but at the same time I still got us a little turned around and they had to use the GPS to get us back. I was ready, I'd been looking forwards to this party since Ty messaged me back in August. However, climbing into the jeep was when the heartache started. You weren't next to me, you weren't along for the ride... It was different, not bad but different. I tried to pay the 5$ parking fee but of course I couldn't. I ment to give the 5 to Emily later but I forgot, its okay though I'll get him back. The garage was ridiculously full I mean, if its that bad, they need to have signs indicating that its bad. Finally we found a parking spot and we were about to pull in, Ty turns on his signal and say's loudly "I'm taking this spot" but from across the way this lady yells "No your not I am"

we swung in and took it anyway. There was a hot 'hypothetical debate afterward with Crowe about whether that was rude or not. She did march up to the window though and declare to him "You know how rude that was right! You know what you did?" He just looked at her like a Ty would and said "Yes ma'am" I figure hey, its is birthday we'll take what we can get.

HB was good, we got a seat in the main hall this time with the live music. Crowe, Anne, Ty's Aunt and sister, Zunk, Manix, and two others were there. It also turns out that a girl I used to know from Life Spring was at the table in front of us for a tetrachloride (when i went to correct my misspelling of bachlorette party that was the top of the list lol) party. I went and said hi, after we cut the cake I shared some with them too. For me I got a Shirley temple and a plate of Beir battered cheese fries, just like always. I barely ate half of them though, I cant finish them with out you so I took them home. Everyone LOVED the cake, it really blessed me despite my loneliness I did have a good time. I even wrote down the icing recipe for Ty's sister and Aunt. What was left over of the cake Ty and I agreed to give it to the waitress.

When everyone was finished eating, about 8:50pm we all walked to game works. I felt just a little alone. You know how I tend to walk really fast when there's no one next to me or if I'm excited? Manix was the only one that kept up, I didn't talk to him much though, and I didn't mean to leave everyone behind but Zunk and the other three guys I didn't know too well, Ty was having a nice time with Emily and Crowe and Anne are always together, they really are cute. I suppose I should have hung out with Emily and her Aunt but I don't know. I'm not complaining It just wasn't the same without having you around, your our friends are good people and I love them and (especially ty) I would trust them with my life.

Turns out I still had 80pts left over from last year, I didn't even use half of them and I ended up buying 100 more XD so now I have tons for the next time we go. I mostly played DDR for the hour before 10pm when they kick out everyone under 21. I did play one shoot-em game and another skateboarding game that I almost won, but mostly DDR. I got to play my favorite songs :) Dam Darium, and Silent Hill. I miss you, but next year or time I'll probably be 21 so we can stay as late as we want. I thought it was kind of funny that Manix and Anne kept loosing because the metal pads couldn't register their weight. 

I didn't know Ty was so good at DDR actually, I need to get another pad so I can play with more people. Watching him and Emily was cute, It did remind me of you and me. I never really cared for Kelly Klarkson songs I always feel uncomfortable when I hear them because they ALWAYS apply to something in my life and it drives me nuts. She came out with a song where she sings about a guy named Drew. That was right about the time I was giving up on him. How does that work? So we're driving back and Taylor Swift's "Mine" comes on the radio, I thought it was Klarkson's because they sound the same to me. They liked it and sang together, it was cute, and I left a few tears at that intersection. There was a really silly guy standing at the intersection though, you'll have to ask Ty about hi; he was doing some kind of weird dance- I laughed.

We had a good laugh about how hard it is to kiss underwater, all of us agreeing that its one of the hardest things to do. Then all of a sudden the day I waited for was over, so long farewell, good night. All too soon I was climbing out of the jeep and carrying my stuff in. Then Ty jumped out and shouted if there was anything I wanted to pass on you you. I told him to tell you that I love you and miss you so hard it hurts. I said "I cant ask you to kiss him for me" he goes "You know I would." I laughed, nodded and waved goodbye.

When I got in at 10:40pm Spencer, who was still awake and had really wanted to go, made a comment about how it wasn't past his bed time and he could've gone. I didn't say anything. A few minutes later Leah called, she was upset over some boyfriend drama. I did my best to help her I hope I said the right things. I'm tired and my legs are sore I danced valliantly for you. I miss you so much it hurts but I cant seem to cry it out either. Ty said you seemed like you were falling apart, but I dont believe that you've got to at least be doing better than I am right now. I cant look at anything that reminds me of you, and everything does so what now?

I spoke some life into myself, I believe I can make it, just a day or two ago 5 months seemed like tomorrow, but at this moment its looking like a daunting hallway that doesn't end. I wont wish this all away, its an opportunity to grow, but I wont not hope it goes quicker either.